This is My Best Picture
By Thomas Auflick
Advertising works, and if you are looking to make a deal, you have got to get the players to the table in order to negotiate. Dating is all about negotiating a deal of some kind and this process is never clearer than in the on-line dating market. When you create an on-line profile, you use your best picture to create the opportunity of attracting or being accepted by another.
So, why not put your best picture forward, even if it is from a couple of years ago. You stand a good chance of starting some kind of negotiation once you actually meet someone for a date. Even if their expectations have been slightly diminished after meeting you in person, you still have the opportunity to showcase other attributes of yourself that may not come through in your online profile. You will stand a chance as long as you haven’t totally misrepresented yourself. Anyway, that old picture is actually you, and you will always own the best you had to offer. Say to yourself, I’m good, I may have been better, and I can be better still.
When I work with clients I often quote the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus of Ephesus who essentially said that the only constant in life is change. If you meet your ideal image of beauty in another person, you can be sure that image will change with time—whether from a physical or psychological standpoint, you will never see that person the same as you did at the moment you first saw them. If you are the type of person who only derives love from a visual standpoint, you might not stay in love for long.
Should you find yourself on a first date through an on-line dating service and feel disappointed because the person doesn’t catch your eye the same way they did in their online picture, don’t run for the nearest exit. Stay a while and let your visual acuity balance with the true nature of that person. As long as there is some truth in perception, perhaps a remnant of attraction you initially saw in their picture, you can be sure it is there and exists. Remember, what you saw in yesterday’s photo has already changed today and will transform tomorrow. The process of negotiation started before you even got to the table.
This is a commentary on the Psychology Today article “The Perils of Left and Right Swiping”. You can read the full article t: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2015/08/11/the-most-depressing-statistic-imaginable-about-being-a-new-parent/?tid=sm_fb